One of this things I detested, and still detest, about raising a child, is when other people state "I could see it in his eyes." The first time this was actually used about my child, was when he'd been jumping on a couch, age 3. A family member had asked him not to jump on the couch. He'd never been asked not to jump on the couch before. He was 3. He carried on jumping on the couch. When I came in, I took him aside and explained clearly that the rule in the house we were in, was that you didn't jump on the couch. He looked at me and nodded, and didn't jump on the couch.
At home, I let him jump on the couch. So he had been really confused by the request not to.
The family member who observed me discuss this with him, then lambasted me for being too soft. When I explained to her that he hadn't actually understood what she meant, she laughed. "He's much smarter than you think. He understood everything I said. He just knew he could ignore me. I saw it in his eyes... "
I spent a lot of my childhood confused. About arbitrary rules and dictates, unreliable rules and guidance and completely confusing messages. My confusion was never mirrored by the adults, however. They always knew what I was really thinking and feeling. They would regularly inform me, they could "see it in my eyes..."
It's such a catch 22. You can't defend against it, as you are saying the person looking at you is wrong. And as you are rarely in a pleasant and easy place when this pronouncement has been made. People rarely say "You are a lovely person, who understands what's going on so clearly, I can see it in your eyes... " Such statements are usually reserved for the tense, awkward, accusatory silences. For the moments of mis-communication between people.
For the moment when the other person, is imposing on us, their world view.
For when they speak, they speak what they fear you are thinking. It's very, very rarely, what's actually going on. It's that the face you are showing without speech... is being written upon by the other person. They are writing out their own feelings,. and thoughts, and fear, on you. Every school child knows this, when they are told to "wipe the smile off your face..." It's a natural human instinct to smile in certain situations of fear and tension: to try and look innocent and nonthreatening. How many times were you told to wipe the smile off your face, and to stop smirking, when you were shaking in your boots? Me too.
The audience would take the clues, and read into the face, what they wanted to see.
The audience would do the work. All the while, saying how wonderfully the actor had portrayed the emotions.
Truth, is in the eye of the beholder. Especially when nothing is actually said. Give a face, even a blank face, and do not speak... and the person looking at you, will say "I knew what that face was saying... I saw it in the eyes...."
Which brings us to this:
Not to mention that for most of us, the thought would be "Thank goodness she knows to use ready made when out and about, that's fabulous."
And very often it's ... "Gosh, what a pretty baby, and isn't that a lovely top, wonder where she got it..?"
And quite often it's "I wonder if I paid the gas bill on time..."
Prejudice comes from words, actions, deeds. Not telepathic reading of the eyes. Of knowing 'what that look means'.
No matter how insecure you are feeling: you need to actually check out the reality you are in, without your fears at play. And you certainly can't condemn everyone around you for the LOOK you are seeing in their eyes.
And I'm fed up apologising for breast-feeding. I suspect you are too. :-)
ps Don't let the 3 year old jump on the couch. The 6 year old will destroy it. :-)